The Babelist

Alright, the time has come to make another list. A list of Babes. A list of the persons surfing the waves of the internet on a tired-ass trope meant to mock Vani Hari, the Food Babe. This tactic has worked to some degree, judging by the number of Babes known to me up 'til now. If you happen to know of others, don't hesitate to send an email or drop a comment below.

Now, onto the list. Since you can't really rank dumpster fires, I think I'll just start at the beginning of the story.

Food Babe, Vani Hari

The Original Babe, Vani has become a favorite punching bag for Skeptics and the agriculture industry. The mouth-foaming diatribes, lectures, flaming arrows and take-down articles aimed at her brand peaked around 2015-16. 

Kevin Folta, a big fan of Ms. Hari's work

The attacks launched on Hari (an easy target for debunking) are what some refer to as "fame trolling."

And so, borne of the desire to elevate one's own brand by scrambling to the top of a gigantic heap of the picked clean bones of Vani Hari, Gwyneth Paltrow and the like, the world has been bestowed with a bevy of bogus Babes.

Bring in ze FemBOTS!!!

SciBabe, Yvette d'Entremont

Yvette d'Entremont

I've written entirely too much content on this Babe, so we will just go with a brief synopsis here by  another Babe - ChiroBabe - whose name is a play on SciBabe. If SciBabe is the anti-Vani, then ChiroBabe is the anti-Yvette, in the form of a blogger who gives a lesson on the history of chiropractic in this hilarious rebuttal to one of her articles. An excerpt:

The first time I encountered Yvette d’Entremont was when she wrote a blog for that esteemed, peer-reviewed scientific journal, Gawker, entitled “The Food Babe Blogger is Full of Shit.”

SciBabe and her brand of bully babe scicomm still lives on after numerous "This Person/Thing is Bullshit" articles, an artificial sweetener affiliate deal, gluten-free bath bombs, a porn podcast and a show on the weather channel which wrapped up its first season with an episode called "Ghost Apples and Space Jelly."

*Yvette picks her teeth with Vani's bones* "I'm so done with take downs." *belches* 

Also, it's totally normal for a science communicator to have a list of COI on their website, right? 

Food Science Babe, Erin Something or Other

Everything is a chemical!

Food Science Babe, not to be confused with the aforementioned SciBabe or the Artist Formerly Known As Science Babe, works in the food industry, and has a BS in Chemical Engineering from the University of Minnesota. One would assume from her branding that she has a degree in food science but I guess you can just get a degree in Chemical Engineering and still get a job as a "food scientist" anyway! And she wonders why people don't trust the food industry…

She's "clearing up the myths about food and the food industry to give you factual information that’s based on science." An example:

You would think that as a chemical engineer, she'd have a better grasp on the toxicity of "ChEMiKiLLz" like PFAS - scientists suggest a limit of 1ppt - and chlorpyrifos, which has been found by the EPA to harm children's brains at the "safe" levels found in foods.

Maybe she's too busy stocking her store to research this stuff?

I Looked For "The Store"!

Farm Babe, Michelle Miller

From the Farm Babe website:

Honest. Funny. Insightful.

With an average social media reach of 2-3 million a month and 120K followers, Michelle has made a name for herself as a dedicated myth-buster in the food industry.

Michelle brings a unique perspective as a big city globetrotter turned Iowa Farm girl, and plants the seed inside the minds of those looking to understand the truth about modern agricultural production. With one of the most popular and vibrant food and farming social media followings, the Farm Babe™ is the real deal.

Michelle answers the hard questions.

Such an original name! HowEVER did she come up with that one? Spoiler alert: she copied Vani Hari.

(Wait. You saw that right? Did she actually fucking trademark the name Farm Babe?)

Anyway, Miller's stolen branding has won her the accolades of none other than Leslie Kelly of High Heels and Canola Fields, and Dr. Kevin Folta of Unrestricted Grant and Hidden Consulting fees fame. Her client list also includes, Weston Sharp the Vice President of the Iowa Agricultural Aviation Association and Robert D. Saik, the founder of Agri-Trend. 

She is often published in AgDaily where she recommends you fact check sources using Activist Facts dot com, a website from the infamous "Dr. Evil," Rick Berman of the Center for Consumer Freedom an industry lobbyist and front group puppet master to the stars. 

She can be found on social media, defending harmless agrochemicals like chlorpyrifos...

...and selling CBD oil. Don't forget to use the coupon code for free shipping!

Swine Babe, Paige Something or Other

The Swine Babe Facebook page seems pretty defunct, but it harkens back to a golden age of CAFOS, gestation crates, and sequined ruffles, where synchronized swimmers do choreographed moves in pink manure lagoons while an orchestra plays in the background.

But seriously, I'm going to spare you the pics of semen collection and artificial insemination demo.

...Moving on now!

Biology Babe,  Lauren Uhde

Yet another defunct babe persona, Biology Babe's social media accounts are all 404 now. 

She once appeared on the podcast of the David Avocado Wolfe of Fake Skeptics - A Science Enthusiast - and was a writer for the site.

There is not much to be found from this bygone babe, save for a few echoes from the past.

Chow Babe,  Some Dude

This character was clearly meant as satire to bag on Vani Hari. 

Though most people assumed the person behind the screaming apple pic was female, rumor has it Chow Babe was actually male. Yup, Sheena was a man.

Ah, the days when pop songs about date rape drugs were in the top forty.

Nobody but Chow Babe really knows for sure why "she" disappeared from the public eye. But, like the Funky Cold Medina, Chow Babe is now just another cringy af relic of the past. Word to your mother.

The End of an Era?

Are there more babes in our future? Perhaps this Halloween...

Or, have the babes hit their peak? Are they going the way of the dodo? 

God I fucking hope so.

Well, that wraps up the Babelist, and I hope that you have been both enlightened and inspired by the stupidity of the human race today. Don't forget to drop some babes in the comments if I missed any!